new year, new me?

2009 is finally here! i have so many things to look forward to: turning 18 (finally!), graduating high school!, and my favorite thing, moving out!!! and there are probably a few exciting things that will be happening in between what was just mentioned. i just don't know what they are yet :].

i don't know if i have any resolutions set for myself, only because i know i probably won't get around to fulfilling most of them. but i will keep some things that i need to work on in mind and just work on it as i go. if i remember to. i also just got around to reading the christmas card my mom wrote to me. (korean is a bitch to read). she never ceases to amaze me. after all the shit we've gone through for, what, the past six years, she still doesn't want to give up on trying to build a relationship with me. i almost started crying when i read what she wrote. she wants to stop all the yelling/arguments, she wants to be there for me (what??), and she wants to do what's in her power to make me happy. but the thing she wants most is that mother-daughter relationship that i know many of her friends have with their daughters. i just feel really bad to say that i'm a little more reluctant to give that to her. how does one just drop six years of tension and bitterness? of course i want that mother-daughter relationship also. i envy girls my age who go on shopping trips with their mothers just to be able to spend time with each other, and not just because both of them need something from the mall. i guess this is one of the main reasons i want to be able to move out for college. time spent apart from each other will only allow both me and my mom to grow up. i'm so afraid that if i stay here after graduation the tension will only increase and no improvement will be made. at least not until a few more years when i finally do move out. i don't want to sound selfish when i beg my mom and argue with her to let me go to socal for school. but i can't bring myself to explain to her what i just did to everyone who is reading this.