you're killing me

i still long for you, and i don't know how to make it stop.

waiting

i know this is a horrible thought, but it's been running through my mind for a while now. i can't help but wonder if life would be better for everyone if my parents just got divorced. in fact, i find myself wanting it to happen more and more often. maybe that way there'd finally be peace in this house. every single day is just filled with yelling, screaming, throwing of objects, and hate. and for some reason, all of it comes back to me. whether it be that i somehow caused the fight between my parents or my mom just using me as an excuse to get her anger out. i'm so sick of getting yelled at and verbally abused because of something i know i didn't do. even now i'm listening to my mom continue to lash out at my dad, prolonging all this stupid tension. i can guarantee she's gonna barge into my room any minute and scream at me for some ridiculous illegitimate reason. is it bad that i dread coming home from school everyday knowing that another verbal war will ensue? my heart has grown cold towards them. the only thing on their minds is how often they can point out each others' mistakes along with mine.

i can't wait to graduate and finally get the fuck out of here. then they'll just be each others' problem.

what goes around definitely comes around

antioch today was a total waste of time. it was hot, we sucked, and no one seemed like they cared much. probably the most interesting thing that happened was rachel accidentally touching someone's period pants rofl. not to mention the plethora of hot guys that were there! too bad most of them were probably gay. why do all the cute ones have to live outside of fremont where it's impossible to find them? :[ omg armijo high was there. thank god that one person graduated. wonder if any of the people who said hi to us while we walked by know him lol.

wow i love karma. so much. ugly betty is finally starting to get a taste of what he's really like. the cycle is already starting again. muahah. i can't wait to see both of them fall. it's gonna be a great show.

mmmm denny's with the guard in a couple of hours. but for now, 1984 has my attention. lates!

ridiculous

"i'd rape that."

honestly. who in their right minds says shit like that to anyone? sure, i've had my fair share of inappropriate comments thrown my way, but nothing like that. disrespectful as hell. it was too bad i couldn't find a rock to chuck at him in time before he skateboarded away.

besides that, today was great. had four tests, but i think i did fairly well on them. lee is scaring the shit out of me though. i get confused on a test make up date and i'm automatically deemed a failure. sounds like my mom lol. i finally got my volunteer badge for the hospital! cute picture, not gonna lie. ;D i'm actually pretty excited to get started. i've been meeting helluv new people there and it's amazing. especially since i'm getting sick of the same ol' immature bastards at high school. i swear the freshman get worse every year.

ugghhh antioch tomorrow. gotta get up at fucking 5 a.m. maybe i'll try to catch some z's on the bus ride there. lates!

getting in touch...finally

it's fucking senior year. and i've sadly realized that i have not yet made any memorable high school moments throughout my freshman, sophomore, and junior years. i lack in school spirit, and i don't participate in anything related to school. there's guard, but that really has nothing to do with school pride. all of my older friends always tell me how much fun they had in high school and that it brings them so many good memories. and i just sit there listening to them, wondering why the hell i'm not agreeing with them. not gonna lie: it sucks.

so this is my declaration of finally making an effort to find the high school student in me. i'm not talking about doing well academically, (although i should still maintain that goal lol) but trying to find a personal connection with the school and the other 2000 kids i pass in the hallways five times a week.

oh-nine, so fine :]

newbie

okayyy, so i'm pretty much new to this site. i've always been interested in expressing my days, thoughts, and emotions through words. it always just comes easiest to me. and since i'm lacking a formal diary right now, i thought this would be the next best thing. haha. so i'm going to do my best to keep this updated on a normal basis and hope to read some other interesting blogs that people post. oh, and comments are always nice, but if it's something negative please keep it to yourself. i'm just here to word vomit for my own personal benefit. but if i happen to spark some sort of interest, opinion, or thought in whoever is reading this, then kudos to me. :] kind of. it's great to find people to relate to. anyways! i feel like i'm starting to ramble on about nothing, so i'm going to leave this be for the rest of today.