juiced!

i swear i think i'm beginning to have a major rockstar addiction. baddy lol.

today was the foothill band review. and another major fail. it was hot (again), we were placed in the AA division (really?), and we didn't place in anything. HAHA no surprise there though. i did get to see a bunch of scvc people though :D. boner, kneebone, jake, ed, and dee! i like hugs :3.

times are changing, dearest mother

ugh. i'm getting pretty sick of my mom calling me stupid and corrupt for disagreeing with prop. 8. i am not sorry for holding different views from hers. and i am most definitely NOT sorry for having the friends that i do. they have not manipulated me. i am not a horrible person for learning to love my friends as they are. if anything, they're the ones who opened my eyes to how closed-minded the world can be. i pity those who are so selfish as to go far enough to try and take away the rights of others. they're just scared and choose to discriminate as a means of dealing with their fear. pathetic. this is just another reason why i dislike religion. especially the one my parents hold on to. there's only one right. everyone else is wrong. what kind of teaching is that? this religion teaches its followers to accept and love all people, but at the same time it teaches them that there is only one "right" lifestyle. it's hypocracy.

grr...i'm just peeved and i could go on for days about this, but i won't lol.

is that the butter pecan?

so today was my second official day as a volunteer at washington hospital. i know it hasn't been a lot, but i have to say i absolutely love doing what i do there. it seems like i'm the only one to ever be eager about completing a task there. although i do wish that i could interact with the patients a lot more. the only contact i get is when i'm discharging them. i think i'm gonna see if i can transfer over to the er once i turn 18 :]. i'm also trying to find a rn to talk to and find out more about my future career. problem is i can't tell which ones they are. and they always seem so busy. boo. i'll just put that on my to-do list. but i do get to make some small chat with random staff members when i'm the the elevators. so for now, i'm completely satisfied with running up and down the hospital with various tasks and getting all the free ice cream and lemonade i want :D.

tomorrow afternoon should prove to be in-ter-restingggg muahah

weekend recap

friday: both a good and a bad way to end spirit week. our homecoming game was against kennedy, and we lost. kind of not surprised. it was just disappointing cuz we were doing so well the first half of the game. ah well. our boys do their best. homecoming queen was announced. congrats to both natalie and brook for tying, even though i'm not satisfied with the outcome. rachel and i went on a semi adventure at the stadium and recorded/narrated our walk. (i might post the vids some other day). we kept running into nate, which made things soooo awkward for reasons i will not mention here lol. and of course our band played and danced to jump on it in front of the crowd as we do every year. oh, and seniors won triple crown! wooooo! oh nine~~~

saturday: santa cruz band review! goddamn was it windy. i know it's santa cruz and all, but jeez haha. i thought we did pretty well, and so did jessica, ben, mr. rodda, and the crowd. but i heard we only placed third in marching. and one of the judges for guard was there at antioch, and he gave us a fairly low score. effing biased much? -_- i got to talk to courtney for a little while waiting for lina's dad to come pick up me, lina, rach, and stephanie. too bad pannid had to work that day. otherwise i would have finally met his ass instead of going home early lol. the homecoming dance was that same night, but i didn't go. kenta won homecoming king. congrats to him as well. although i was wishing alex would win heh. i was supposed to go on a double date with courtney, her bf, and her bf's friend. but the stupid bus driver got everyone home late from santa cruz. :[

and now i am bitter because i don't have any advil for my headache. rawries.

WE RUN THIS!

OH NINE~~

i must admit that i am LOVING spirit week at school. it's just a time when everyone can dress like complete fools and no one ever says anything. plus, it's hilarious as hell.

fake injury day today was amazinggg. rachel did a lot of people's injuries and they were crazy good! so many of my teachers fell for it ahah.


i can't wait to run down the hallways tomorrow morning! :D

know your rank! SENIORS '09 <3

whew

i filled out some college apps today! sdsu, lbsu, lasu, and sjsu. yes, i am applying to helluv csu's. stfu. i was putting in info from my transcript and i died a little inside lol. still gotta fill out an app for uci. ::sigh:: we'll see what happens.

QUEST is already killing me, and it's barely started lol. FUCK.

oh noes!

so i'm definitely beginning to feel a bit hectic. i need to start college apps soon and i still don't have a finalized list of where i want to apply. lol baddy. topic declarations and that form for possible consultants for QUEST is due on tueday. omg! even worse, i have no idea what i want to have as a topic. rawr.

aahh! i'm so excited for spirit week! our senior dance is sooo adorable! although j.r did choreograph it to be a bit difficult for the average teenager haha. senior day is gonna be amazing. i get to do cartwheels all around the gym during our skit. hahhaha. falling on my ass in front of 2200 people? awesome.

anyways, today is a hang out day with niko. which probably means i'll be taking a nap on his amazingly comfy bed on top of a pile of his superrrr soft pillows while he watches cars lmfao.

a bit of orwell

"obedience is not enough. unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? power is inflicting pain and humiliation. power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. do you begin to see, then, what kind of world we are creating? it is in the exact opposite of the stupid hedonistic utopias that the old reformers imagined. a world of fear and treachery and torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but more merciless as it refines itself. progress in our world will be progress toward more pain. the old civilizations claimed that they were founded on love and justice. ours is founded upon hatred. in our world there will be no emotions except fear, rage, triumph, and self-abasement. everything else we shall destroy-everything. already we are breaking down the habits of thought which have survived from before the revolution. we have cut the links between child and parent, and between man and man, and between man and woman. no one dares trust a wife or a child or a friend any longer. but in the future there will be no wives and no friends. children will be taken from their mothers at birth, as one takes eggs from a hen. the sex instinct will be eradicated. procreation will be an annual formality like the renewal of a ration card. we shall abolish the orgasm...there will be no loyalty, except loyalty toward the party. there will be no love, except the love of big brother. there will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a defeated enemy. there will be no art, no literature, no science. when we are omnipotent we shall have no more need of science. there will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. there will be no curiosity, no employment of the process of life. all competing pleasures will be destroyed. but always-do not forget this-always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. if you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face-forever."

a bit sadistic, but fucking brilliant.

boredom strikes

om nom nom nom

reunited

banquet tonight was amazing! it was SO good to get to see everyone (or almost everyone) again! i didn't realize just how much i actually missed all of them. everyone looked so good all dressed up. we're so different from when we're at rehearsal where we're all tan, sweaty, and super tired. gonzo looks amazing now! while the typical person /gains/ weight after the season is over, (we still eat like we're rehearsing for 12 hours a day lol) he lost weight! and lots of it too! ::jealous:: lol.

i'm reallyyyy proud of everyone who won awards tonight! all those people who won the golden foot award (lol), rachel for winning outstanding guard member, aaron for winning outstanding member, and everyone else in between :].

kristie and i went outside for a while since it got really hot in the restaurant and we found this motorcycle parked there. of course we couldn't resist taking a picture with it. i only found out later that it belongs to some creepy lesbian chick that hit on masha. how depressing haha.

and our 2009 show was revealed today! "LOVE." kind of an interesting choice. everyone thinks it has something to do with the beatles, but rob assures us we don't know what's in store. guess we'll have to wait till next summer to find out.

i really DON'T want to have to wait another month and a half (or longer) to see everyone again!

drained

i'm spent. both physically and emotionally. there are too many nights spent staying up and way more drama than i can handle. i'm falling asleep in class or i'm just not there, mentally. i can't concentrate on anything but whatever bullshit is going on in my life. but bullshit never really goes away, does it? haha.

so i just got back from taking SATs. in goddamn oakland. it was ridiculous. they let everyone into the school fifteen minutes late; someone gave our proctor the reasoning tests instead of the subject ones; and we got disrupted in the middle of our test taking when they had to let some extra kids into our room. >[. yes, that is my bitter face. well, at least i didn't fall asleep in the middle of it this time haha.

aahhh! i found out a week ago that ivan gets to start working in new york soon. lucky bitch lol. it's one thing that he gets to run into rihanna in the hallway at work, but getting to live in my dream location? /and/ make loads of monies while at it? wtf. lol. i think i'm gonna stowaway in one of ivan's bags and sneak over to new york with him. and call up nick to take me to serendipity's for some frozen hot chocolates :D. and take me to 5th avenue so i can look at all the pretty things i can't afford?

i think i'm watching eagle eye at great mall with niko, see jan again for the first time in two years, andddd possibly meet pannid! awesome.

how does one stop a heart from yearning?

a question that has been lingering over my head for far too long. i should be glad to have found out what he's really about. but i still remember how sweet his words were. i should be happy that i snapped out of my world of denial. yet i still long for that false sense of happiness. and i should be content with the fact that the same thing will happen to her for not listening to me. only i wish i were her right now.

lol i disgust myself sometimes.

anyhoo, happy 18th to courtney!! you're finally legal, dearest! i can't wait to see your new artwork ;P.

ap stats sucked. pretty sure i bombed the test. especially since i fell sleep in the middle of it lol. but sixth period made me a little happier since i owned on our last physics test. have i proven you wrong yet, mr. lee? muahah.

i'm so excited for halloween! i'm gonna be an eskimo! (a cute ish one haha). this is only like the second or third time i've actually dressed up for this holiday in all of my 17 years of living. i'm also pretty stoked for the false lashes rachel and i bought at wal mart today. yes, simple things in life are worth being happy over :D.

banquet is sunday! i can't wait! i miss all my fellow champions :[.

busy month

it's going to be a busy busy month! super excited though.

today is mom and dad's 26th anniversary. i don't know whether it's a good thing or not, but nonetheless, happy anniversary to them.

sunday is banquet!! what i'm looking forward to most this month :]. god, i miss everyone SO much. they're all so amazing. they've definitely taught me what it means to be in a family and what it is to have integrity. andddd.....CHAMPIONSHIP RINGS, BABY! the santa clara vanguard cadets as dci's first world class champions! mmm, i like how that sounds.

courtney and rachel's birthdays! lovely courtney is finally turning legal! and rachel is just turning 17. one of the youngest among my group of wonderful friends. i need monies! enough for at least a decent surprise for both of them lol.

santa cruz is on the 18th. it's usually the funnest review, but i'm not so sure about this year. everything about school guard has made me lose passion for it. it's always either drama or no one giving a damn. or both. this year is both. i'm thinking that this year instead of hanging out at the boardwalk after the competition, i'm thinking of just going home early. idunno. and i'm leaning towards not going to the homecoming dance. (the review and dance are on the same day). nothing interesting ever happens, and it's pretty predictable who's gonna win king and queen. besides, i'd rather just laze around than take all that time to get ready when i have no one to impress haha.

i'm gonna officially start volunteering at the hospital this month too! yeah, super nerdy of me to be hapy about that :].

the weather is also getting cooler. which i'm pretty thankful for. i know it's weird, but i'm pretty anxious to rid of my tan. well, that's this month in a nutshell. packed, but it should be fun :].