it's not over just yet

i need some sort of outlet. i am so fucking stressed right now. i can't seem to focus, and it's costing me everything i've been looking forward to for the past two and a half years.

but i do want to personally thank nick for helping me keep my sanity last night. i felt his love and care even from 3,000 miles away. there was a sense of serenity i've never felt before when talking to any of my other friends. he knows exactly what to say at the right time, and i am so thankful to have him to talk to. please don't ever go away.

it's like a benetton ad

sitting next to this brown kid and looking at pictures of zach quinto. life is good.

i can't believe it's almost over

now i never thought that this would happen, but as graduation is nearing, i'm beginning to realize that i'm actually going to miss high school. it's odd, but watching senioritis (the annual production that the seniors at school put on to help fund raise for senior ball) on wednesday made me realize just how close we all are to going our separate ways. this night was when pretty much our whole class came together and did something amazing for the school one last time.

it's really quite bittersweet. i still can't wait to get the hell out of high school and start over. but at the same time, i'm never going to see the people i've spent the past five or six years with ever again. and that's kind of a scary thought. we've all grown so comfortable together, even if there are people we've never talked to in those six years. no more sheltered environment, and no more familiar support system. i just know it's going to be the weirdest feeling ever when i go off to college and i'm not walking down that excruciatingly overly crowded hallway, walking past the same people i have for four years. i might even miss that annoying ass bell and a structured six-period schedule.

despite all that, though, i'm nearly jumping with anticipation to finally get my clean slate in life. i've made some bad decisions and hung out with the wrong people in my high school career. i'm glad i'm going somewhere nobody knows me and i can let people see the real me and love me for it. i'm tired of hiding within myself because of what i've done in high school and what "friends" have done to my reputation. i can go to school smiling and let people know i'm approachable. i didn't see it at first, but someone up there knew that i needed this fresh start and lead me in this direction. and for that, i am thankful.