shut the fuck up, bitch

the only reason you still care is because you're obviously jealous of something

happiness is always short lived

what the hell do we do here on this earth? try and find something that will forever bring joy into our lives? well, some people spend their whole lives looking for that something and never find it. then what do we do? we try and find things that bring us temporary satisfaction. but even that gets old after a while. next? we shut ourselves out from the rest of the world because we know that trying isn't worth it anymore? i could have the completely wrong idea, but it sure as hell makes sense to me. the past week has been totally amazing for me. up until yesterday. i don't know what happened, all i know is that it did. it's probably because i had my hopes set too high. i'm not saying that i'm going to start shutting myself out, but i sure as hell won't be expecting much from life. the fall only gets harder the higher you set your hopes. that way when i find a dollar on the ground, it'll feel like i found a thousand. and i sure as hell won't be expecting anything from people. we rarely do ourselves justice.

i broke a promise to myself

i hate forming types of relationships/bonds with people when i know they'll just turn out in vain. i need to learn to stop contradicting my instincts. depending on other people never turns out well. at least in my world. sure, mistakes are made for a reason, but i hate making the same ones over and over again. all people do is screw each other over. and everyone wonders why i'm such a bitch. i just beat them to the punch.

milo's got nothin' on me

so i kinda wish i had a super power. to be able to make people feel better with just a smile!

yeah...pretty homo sounding, i know. but sometimes i just don't know what to say to my friends when they're having an off day. when that happens, all i can do is give them what i hope is a comforting smile and tell them things will eventually fall into place. but that obviously isn't enough sometimes. i was working at the hospital last night, and a man came up to me a couple of times: once to ask me if it was ok for him to visit his wife, and the second to tell me that he was going to wait in the lobby until the time the nurses told him he was allowed to. the poor man looked so distressed. and the most i could do was offer him a smile.

so what the hell am i getting at here? i can't wait until i can start offering more than just a comforting flash of teeth. i want to show people i'm sincere about wanting to help them, and that i don't do it because i have to.

christmas is tomorrow!! i've been wanting a laptop for a while. and i probably won't get it. but hey...maybe santa threw some luck my way this year. happy holidays, y'all!

it's simple

i'm broken.

i need a clever title

i thought that i was going to have a weight lifted off my shoulders once i turned in all my college apps. clearly, i was wrong. I AM ABOUT TO PULL EVERY FUCKING HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD.

uci is my only ticket out of here. and since it's the only uc i applied to, it's either get accepted or face hell for another two to four years. for the past three years all i've been looking forward to is the fact that i don't have to talk to my parents (or look at them) for long periods of time. honestly, it sounds like heaven to me. i know that sjsu is an awesome school for the major i'm pursuing, but it's my bitch school. it's too close to home and almost everything i hate.

ps. you're still on probation. don't mess up.